And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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