maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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