whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
