your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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