He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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