Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
