Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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