I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
