atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this will be a night to untag.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
