And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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