Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
