so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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