You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
