At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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