The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
