i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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