So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
