i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
