If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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