you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
