I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
