Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
