I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
