dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Less talking, more tequila
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
