when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
