I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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