Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
