lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
His nipple licking is glorious
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