And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
