Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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