My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
