MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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