So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
