It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
