I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
