I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
