you would pick up someone in the library
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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