I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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