he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
