Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
