I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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