Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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