I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
