It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
