Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
