We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
