i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
