just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
