You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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