Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
